Its Hard To Be Like Me (Family)

Assalamualaikum, nie kali ke-2 aku tulis somethings.. So, what should i start with >.<"..

Saya anak ke-3 dari lima adek beradik.. n im the only one who stay far from my parents.. All my siblings live with my parents except me.. So, its kinda sucks.. I only meet my parents like 1 or 2 times a month.. I feel really horrible when knowing they have such a great time there in Jb without me. I feel like im the bad one in the family n that is the reason why i sit with my grandmother.. im such a troublemaker. When, i go n visit them during the weekends there must be something wrong happen. n im the only one who get the blame on. Its like when im gone everything was perfectlly great.I always get left behind. Its like im not deserve to be with my family.. My mom always mad at me because i always do things on my own.She said it like im so selfish. They always ask me what i want when they mad at me.. I said i dont know.. I think, i just need them to understand me, to feel what i feel, to be there when i needed them.. I told my mom what happen to me until i get in trouble.. She just cry, she said that she will try to understand me.. But, She didnt do that She never try n she will never understand..I will pray to Allah that someday every body could understand me.. Insyaallah. I dont have somebody that really close to me in my family.iI have nobody that understand me.. I only have Allah.. n it is more than enough.. I love my family so much.. I wish that there could understand me.. Insyaallah.Amin..

P/S: I really2 love my family.. I will pray the best for all of u.. I hope u do the same things to me..
       :')